Losing Someone

To Ken:  Many loved you. You touched the live of more people and even animals than you know. I hope that now you realize this. You will be sorely missed. You will live on in our hearts.

This post isn't about animals or angels per se, which is mainly what my blog is about. But we are all one, we are all part of the Universe. Loss happens to everyone. It is a little scary to put this out here, but I need to pay tribute to someone who is very special and important to me.

There are so many ways of losing someone. Death is the obvious one. Also breaking up with a romantic partner, or drifting apart from someone over time, like old high school friends. Someone in my life and I had broken up a few times, and now he is gone forever, taken away from us by a sudden, unexpected death. Although I was getting less sure it would work out, hope springs eternal, as they say, love prevails and I know we both cared deeply for each other. It seemed that at some point we would get our acts together and be a couple for a long time to come.

I've lost both parents. My mother at age 78 from strokes. My father at age 89 from gradual heart weakening and failure. Those were not quite unexpected, although you never know the timing, so it was sooner than I expected. Yes, it was a shock, but they were not having the quality of life at the end, so it did not seem a "tragedy". But this is the first time I've experienced a sudden, totally out of the blue, tragic death. Someone not in their later years. A real heart-wrenching shock. One that has taken time to sink in. It's been almost 2 weeks, and I feel like it's just really hitting me now. I've been distracting myself with talking and being with his friends, going through some of his things to keep a few items that meant a lot to me or us, and the mind-numbing distractions of surfing the internet, checking email too much, etc. But now it is sinking in that I really will never see him again. Never see his smile or hear his laugh. I catch myself wondering if that new email notification is an email from him, or the ringing of the phone is him.

On the one hand I do truly believe he is now happy and free, celebrating all his adventures, of which there were many. Most I've only heard a little about, since I met him in mid-life. I believe that before we came to this plane of existence that our souls had agreed to play out this experience. I have felt him close to me a couple of times since he passed, letting me know he is OK. The song 'I Did It My Way' by Frank Sinatra popped into my head while doing dishes the other day. I know it was a message from him. But there is a hole that will take a while to mend. I feel blessed to have had him in my life. I want to celebrate his life and his accomplishments, many that he did not seem to give himself enough credit for. I admired him and looked up to him (figuratively and physically - he was 6' 4" and I'm 5' 2"). But there is a sadness that has to be felt and moved through. Some days I am able to sit with it, feel it and it dissipates. Some days I sit in it for longer, as though I need to feel sad for a while.

True love never dies. After all, love is why we are here, love is all there is when you get right down to it. I love you, Ken, I always will. Thank-you for all that you gave me and taught me. I will never forget you.

I found on YouTube the song My Way by Frank Sinatra that has the lyrics. I cried through the 2nd half of it. It does certainly apply to Ken's life. 

Yes, Ken, you did it Your Way.